Hello, readers. There is so much on my mind as of late, that I find it difficult to prioritize. I don't know which issue I feel the most passionately about. So, I don't feel right writing about one over the others just now. I'll tell you, just briefly, some of the things that I've been contemplating.
Just a week ago, I returned to Dallas from a mission trip to San Diego with my youth group, and I'd love to tell you about it. While it was a good trip, it also brought up some old struggles of mine with the church, some resentments were brought to the surface for me, and I've been struggling with that ever since.
Racism has been on my mind. There was a poster I saw in San Diego that was subtly anti-white. The border patrol that we passed on the journey there and back again were blatantly racist against Hispanics. It really angered me, strange as it sounds, that our van and our trailer didn't even get stopped once, because they took one look at me and decided I wasn't transporting immigrants. Meanwhile, a very American Hispanic family had been pulled over and harassed, in a small family car that had no place to hide anything. I'd like to vent about that.
Proposition 8 has been declared unconstitutional, and I'm extremely happy about that! I'd love to share all of my thoughts with you!
I've had some very profound lucid dreams, and I'd like to elaborate on the experience. I've been experimenting with this for years now, and I would very much like to chronicle my progress.
I've been re-evaluating my life, as a result of all of these things and more. I'm in a place where I feel I must do something new, but what form that new action will take remains a mystery. There are things in my life that I want to fight out loud and unyieldingly. There are things in my life that I want to build on and make stronger. There are people in my life who are hurting me and disappointing me, there are people who are more like bad habits than friends, and there are people in my life who are impressing me to an extreme and making me feel quite proud to know them. Relationships are of the utmost importance. I've been re-examining my relationship priorities on every level.
There really is so much to write about. I could go on for pages and pages about any one of these topics. For now, enjoy my blurbs. Perhaps I'll come back to each of them with more to say in the days ahead.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Saturday, July 3, 2010
The Responsibility of Writing Gay Heroes
I'm listening to Lady Gaga right now, because she's tremendous!
So I've been thinking about things. About how unfair things are for gay teens. About how almost all billboards, all movies, all TV shows, commercials, magazines, et cetera display some sort of heterosexual entanglement, and where gay characters are used, they are used as side-kicks, comedy relief. I know there are series and films out there that have the gay community front and center and that do a good job, for the most part, of showing gay life. I just see a need for gay characters to have a larger role in mainstream media. Respectable gay characters, not just funny, camp-tastic side-kicks.
The fact is, the only books and films that have gay characters "center stage" are marketed as a genre, "gay fiction," "gay television," "gay cinema." I remember when Michael Craft fazed out his gay detective series several years back, and his next book was marketed as a story "for everybody." Translation: the protagonist was heterosexual. Why does that make the story "for everybody?" Why wasn't the Mark Manning series for everybody? Just because the protagonist was gay? That meant heterosexuals couldn't read it? It just seems unfair, considering that if the tables were turned, if gay people couldn't read anything with heterosexual characters front and center, gay people would never read most of the best-sellers out there, nor would they watch much TV, or ever go to movies outside of Sundance. So to me, the claim that gay characters are exclusively for gay readers and heterosexual characters are for "everybody" is absurd.
If you haven't come to this conclusion through reading my work, let me say it now: the driving point of all my work is the equality of all people. As an idealistic pro-social activist, I see it as a responsibility to try and break through this narrow-minded, bigoted standard. When it comes to race, gender,age, and sexual orientation, I strive to offer a mixed cast in all of my fiction.
Granted, I have used gay characters more often in supporting roles, but never because of marketing. Tom Don in Cry, Wolf was gay, but the main character was heterosexual. This was simply because Daniel was born that way in my imagination. No thought went into it at all. He just was. Tom, however, later got his own short story, and there wasn't a heterosexual to be seen in that one, except, maybe, the dog. The jury is still out on Sampson.
In the Metrognomes series, the gay characters are once again seen in supporting roles. The warriors Fraternus and Jono are a same-sex, married couple, and they are going to shine throughout the series for their heroics. An'sep No'tall is gay, but misguided. Jared is 50/50 bi-sexual, and I made a point to illustrate the differences and how accepted they are in gnome society with the conversation between the teenage apprentices about their "favorites."
The two central characters, Ak'ten and Pete, are heterosexual, not because it makes the story more marketable, but because the story is more about friendship than sexual romance. If either one of the two male protagonists were gay or bi-sexual, there would be an element of sexual tension between them, and it would get in the way of the purity of their friendship. Like with An'sep and his crush on his heterosexual cousin Kazkal. The story of Ak'ten and Pete is as purely about platonic friendship as the story of Fraternus and Jono is a tale of eros between two heroes. While it was tempting at one point to make Ak'ten bi-sexual, I realized in the writing that the balance of the story really required him to be heterosexual.
So, yes, the gay characters in Metrognomes are supporting characters, but just wait until you see how incredibly well they support the plot as it develops. These characters will shine almost as brightly as the protagonists when all is said and done.
In The Chronicles of Nightfire, Texas, I have recently revealed the sexual orientation of Valen Alexas to be sort of a 90/10 bi-sexuality, with emphasis on his love of men. He's one of four central characters in the series, and the other three are heterosexual, which places Valen in the minority.
I struggle with this, because I think gay people deserve to have heroes, like themselves, in the spotlight. Sometimes I try to force a character's orientation, only to find the story really needs them to be something else. Recently, this problem has at long last given me my first solo gay hero.
In the story "The Dragons of Nod," I initially wanted the protagonist, Prince Joryn, to be perfectly bi-sexual. I'm interested in bi-sexuality. I'm envious of it. I think it would be wonderful to be attracted to both genders, to be able to see the beauty in them that God sees, to see what it is that makes their paramours' hearts skip a beat when they look into their eyes. Alas, I am only able to truly see this in one gender, but I'm tremendously happy that way. I just think it would be marvelous to explore bi-sexuality through a protagonist's eyes, to allow that character the perfect freedom to fall in love with any of the supporting cast. I am still trying to find a character that can do this, but it was not to be Prince Joryn.
As I worked on the story for "The Dragons of Nod," I realized that the character needed to be 100% gay. His quest to save his lover from the dragons was more intense for me, when it became clear that Galen represented the absolute epitome of what Joryn valued in a significant other. In other words, there could be no other love in his heart, neither male nor female. It was only Galen. I realized how tremendous this revelation was pretty quickly. I had a gay hero, the protagonist of the story, going off to rescue his male lover from dragons. The heterosexual characters fell into the supporting role, and like my gay supporting characters, you'll see that they shine as well as the series progresses. The significance here is that it's the gay hero who carries the story and the series of stories to follow, and this isn't a "gay" story, rather, it is a fantasy story in which the protagonist is gay. It's a story for everyone, and Prince Joryn is the sort of hero I think we all would like to be.
I think readers were puzzled by this. "The Dragons of Nod," is the only story I've ever published for which I received absolutely no feedback. I think people weren't expecting the hero to go off to rescue another young man, they weren't expecting him to be in love with that man. I think perhaps some readers wondered if it was "okay" to enjoy the daring adventures of such a hero.
I'm going to keep writing about Prince Joryn. He has many adventures ahead of him. I assure you, this young gay hero's story is a story for "everyone." I hope my readers will come to admire him as much as I do, as he leads us all into boundless adventure, all the while showing gay readers that they do not need to be the side-kicks in life, that they are far greater than mere comic relief in the grand adventure of life, in the never ending saga of our world, that they too can be heroes, bold and unyielding. These are noble qualities that should be desired by everyone. Wouldn't you agree?
Peace,
Glenn
So I've been thinking about things. About how unfair things are for gay teens. About how almost all billboards, all movies, all TV shows, commercials, magazines, et cetera display some sort of heterosexual entanglement, and where gay characters are used, they are used as side-kicks, comedy relief. I know there are series and films out there that have the gay community front and center and that do a good job, for the most part, of showing gay life. I just see a need for gay characters to have a larger role in mainstream media. Respectable gay characters, not just funny, camp-tastic side-kicks.
The fact is, the only books and films that have gay characters "center stage" are marketed as a genre, "gay fiction," "gay television," "gay cinema." I remember when Michael Craft fazed out his gay detective series several years back, and his next book was marketed as a story "for everybody." Translation: the protagonist was heterosexual. Why does that make the story "for everybody?" Why wasn't the Mark Manning series for everybody? Just because the protagonist was gay? That meant heterosexuals couldn't read it? It just seems unfair, considering that if the tables were turned, if gay people couldn't read anything with heterosexual characters front and center, gay people would never read most of the best-sellers out there, nor would they watch much TV, or ever go to movies outside of Sundance. So to me, the claim that gay characters are exclusively for gay readers and heterosexual characters are for "everybody" is absurd.
If you haven't come to this conclusion through reading my work, let me say it now: the driving point of all my work is the equality of all people. As an idealistic pro-social activist, I see it as a responsibility to try and break through this narrow-minded, bigoted standard. When it comes to race, gender,age, and sexual orientation, I strive to offer a mixed cast in all of my fiction.
Granted, I have used gay characters more often in supporting roles, but never because of marketing. Tom Don in Cry, Wolf was gay, but the main character was heterosexual. This was simply because Daniel was born that way in my imagination. No thought went into it at all. He just was. Tom, however, later got his own short story, and there wasn't a heterosexual to be seen in that one, except, maybe, the dog. The jury is still out on Sampson.
In the Metrognomes series, the gay characters are once again seen in supporting roles. The warriors Fraternus and Jono are a same-sex, married couple, and they are going to shine throughout the series for their heroics. An'sep No'tall is gay, but misguided. Jared is 50/50 bi-sexual, and I made a point to illustrate the differences and how accepted they are in gnome society with the conversation between the teenage apprentices about their "favorites."
The two central characters, Ak'ten and Pete, are heterosexual, not because it makes the story more marketable, but because the story is more about friendship than sexual romance. If either one of the two male protagonists were gay or bi-sexual, there would be an element of sexual tension between them, and it would get in the way of the purity of their friendship. Like with An'sep and his crush on his heterosexual cousin Kazkal. The story of Ak'ten and Pete is as purely about platonic friendship as the story of Fraternus and Jono is a tale of eros between two heroes. While it was tempting at one point to make Ak'ten bi-sexual, I realized in the writing that the balance of the story really required him to be heterosexual.
So, yes, the gay characters in Metrognomes are supporting characters, but just wait until you see how incredibly well they support the plot as it develops. These characters will shine almost as brightly as the protagonists when all is said and done.
In The Chronicles of Nightfire, Texas, I have recently revealed the sexual orientation of Valen Alexas to be sort of a 90/10 bi-sexuality, with emphasis on his love of men. He's one of four central characters in the series, and the other three are heterosexual, which places Valen in the minority.
I struggle with this, because I think gay people deserve to have heroes, like themselves, in the spotlight. Sometimes I try to force a character's orientation, only to find the story really needs them to be something else. Recently, this problem has at long last given me my first solo gay hero.
In the story "The Dragons of Nod," I initially wanted the protagonist, Prince Joryn, to be perfectly bi-sexual. I'm interested in bi-sexuality. I'm envious of it. I think it would be wonderful to be attracted to both genders, to be able to see the beauty in them that God sees, to see what it is that makes their paramours' hearts skip a beat when they look into their eyes. Alas, I am only able to truly see this in one gender, but I'm tremendously happy that way. I just think it would be marvelous to explore bi-sexuality through a protagonist's eyes, to allow that character the perfect freedom to fall in love with any of the supporting cast. I am still trying to find a character that can do this, but it was not to be Prince Joryn.
As I worked on the story for "The Dragons of Nod," I realized that the character needed to be 100% gay. His quest to save his lover from the dragons was more intense for me, when it became clear that Galen represented the absolute epitome of what Joryn valued in a significant other. In other words, there could be no other love in his heart, neither male nor female. It was only Galen. I realized how tremendous this revelation was pretty quickly. I had a gay hero, the protagonist of the story, going off to rescue his male lover from dragons. The heterosexual characters fell into the supporting role, and like my gay supporting characters, you'll see that they shine as well as the series progresses. The significance here is that it's the gay hero who carries the story and the series of stories to follow, and this isn't a "gay" story, rather, it is a fantasy story in which the protagonist is gay. It's a story for everyone, and Prince Joryn is the sort of hero I think we all would like to be.
I think readers were puzzled by this. "The Dragons of Nod," is the only story I've ever published for which I received absolutely no feedback. I think people weren't expecting the hero to go off to rescue another young man, they weren't expecting him to be in love with that man. I think perhaps some readers wondered if it was "okay" to enjoy the daring adventures of such a hero.
I'm going to keep writing about Prince Joryn. He has many adventures ahead of him. I assure you, this young gay hero's story is a story for "everyone." I hope my readers will come to admire him as much as I do, as he leads us all into boundless adventure, all the while showing gay readers that they do not need to be the side-kicks in life, that they are far greater than mere comic relief in the grand adventure of life, in the never ending saga of our world, that they too can be heroes, bold and unyielding. These are noble qualities that should be desired by everyone. Wouldn't you agree?
Peace,
Glenn
Monday, May 31, 2010
Falling in Love with Life Again
I'm listening to Neil Diamond as I write this. Why? Because he's amazing.
I've spent the past week getting away from it all, before the summer starts. As a youth program director, my summers are non-stop, and I knew I needed the time to catch my breath in order to make it through the next three months of my extremely cool life.
Over the course of the week, I took time to pray and seek direction. Too often, I think, we all lose sight of where we should be going, because where we are doesn't allow us the time to step back and view our lives from a distance. I've felt a strong pull in so many directions lately, and it's been nothing less than overwhelmingly emotional and confusing. I rediscovered myself this week.
I've been touched by so much anger lately. Anger at Christians who don't act like they should, mostly. Anger over homophobia. I read new things almost daily about people spreading their agendas of hatred and intolerance throughout the world. It makes me sick. I've felt like I needed to do more, but haven't know just exactly how to do it.
I remembered, this week, how outspoken I used to be, before I started working for the church in 2005. I was so much bolder, unwilling to be cowed by the hateful, frightened ignorance of people who obviously didn't know what they were talking about. I actually got my job at the church by facing down homophobia, not letting them get away with a bigoted decision that would only hurt the youth of our church.
So what happened? I let the church push me down. For fear of losing my job and my ability to be there, doing what I do for our teenagers, I stopped speaking out as fervently. I stopped announcing my presence in the world, so to speak. I stopped writing.
This week, I had a chance to see all of that for what it was. All I've really published since taking the youth director job at White Rock have been a book I'd already finished writing, one short story, and a whole slew of weird haikus. I see now that by letting myself be silenced at work, I simply went silent. My writing was always bold, delivering balls-out messages about my opinions, my faith, acceptance of others, and the power of diversity. The stories in my head in recent years were no different, but I couldn't put myself out there like I used to. I knew that if I did, I risked everything. I already have to tell parents, "Don't let your sons or daughters read my first two books. I was in a different place when I wrote them." Subconsciously, the whole idea of saving my job has been stifling me as an artist with something to say.
But that's not the only thing I've been carrying for the past five years. When I wrote my latest book, I was all excited to write the next four books in the series. The story is about the power of diversity, of course, but it's also about the power of friendship. Shortly after I finished the first book, I lost my closest friends.
I could never get back into the story like I had been. I lost the feel of it. I couldn't relate to the main characters anymore. Relationships are everything to me, and I put so much from my relationships into my writing. When my most powerful friendships broke, they took my heart with them. I struggled through a deep depression for most of those five years. I felt alone, unlovable. I wondered if I'd ever find the sorts of friendships I'd had again. Now that I'm thinking more clearly, I'd say that I hope not. Those friendships broke, because the people on the other end gave up on themselves, and left me to my own devices. One of them even left the state. How does one write a believable saga of friendship, when he no longer believes in it?
I'm still in contact with both of those old friends. I never see the one in California, but we talk sometimes, briefly, on the phone. Never do we venture anywhere near the closeness we once shared. The other friend, I've reconciled with. We talk on the phone and even get together on occasion. I'm learning about the new person she's become, now that she's confronted her inner demons and healed from the path she took before, and I'm enjoying it. Still, neither one of them is an every day friend anymore. They can't be. Life pulls us all along, and our individual paths tend to separate us from people, even if we do stay friends. It's no one's fault. If we stayed where we were when we were in our late teens and early twenties, we'd get stale, never grow. We'd die, at least as far as the parts of us with anything worth while to contribute to the world are concerned.
This week, I found myself again. I hadn't even realized that I wasn't broken anymore. The busyness of my schedule just hadn't allowed for enough self-analyzation. I realized who I needed to be from here on out. I need to be that bold writer again, with something to say. I need to be outspoken again, to refuse to be silenced. I also need to keep being the youth director. I need to keep doing what I can to guide and encourage our youth. These are both incredible gifts to me from God, these skills, my courage, my way with words. I must never again let one set of gifts snuff out another.
I realized that I've healed. I'm no longer heart broken. I may not have the kind of friends I used to, but I have love. I have devotion. I have people who believe in me and respect me. Friends, students, mentors, God. I'm whole again, in a way that I never thought I could be.
Near the end of the week, ideas began to flood my mind, the way they used to, when life itself and writing were my only outlets. I couldn't turn them off. To my surprise, the first slew of ideas were about that series I couldn't get back; about my metrognomes. I fell in love with the story again. I started taking notes, adding new ideas to the old, remembering little details I'd included in the first book that I'd forgotten, seeing how it would all tie together. I became passionate about this story, the way I was when I first started writing it. I wept over scenes, as I outlined them, feeling the emotions of the characters. I came back to life as a writer, and I knew that I could be the unfrightened, outspoken social activist, writing my books, sharing my ideas again, and I would be a better youth worker for it. I've always been outspoken about my feelings on social issues with my youth, but I haven't let them see me living what I feel. I haven't let them see me risking myself for truth and justice. So now I will write these books and stories I've been holding back. I won't fear the questions they may raise. I will speak out for their messages, and for myself, and for my youth group.
I knew I'd truly become that writer again last night, when a story, fully developed, popped into my head and wouldn't grant me any peace until I got up and started writing, so I did. I wrote pages and pages. This used to happen frequently, when I let my mind be open to whatever would come. It's a weird, creepy, demented story, like the ones I used to write...and I'm not afraid to write it.
I'm ready to embrace you again, World; The new me, who is the unapologetic culmination of all my gifts. My eyes are on you, and through my words and my actions, I will be a voice and an example that calls you out on your every injustice.
I've fallen back in love with life.
I've spent the past week getting away from it all, before the summer starts. As a youth program director, my summers are non-stop, and I knew I needed the time to catch my breath in order to make it through the next three months of my extremely cool life.
Over the course of the week, I took time to pray and seek direction. Too often, I think, we all lose sight of where we should be going, because where we are doesn't allow us the time to step back and view our lives from a distance. I've felt a strong pull in so many directions lately, and it's been nothing less than overwhelmingly emotional and confusing. I rediscovered myself this week.
I've been touched by so much anger lately. Anger at Christians who don't act like they should, mostly. Anger over homophobia. I read new things almost daily about people spreading their agendas of hatred and intolerance throughout the world. It makes me sick. I've felt like I needed to do more, but haven't know just exactly how to do it.
I remembered, this week, how outspoken I used to be, before I started working for the church in 2005. I was so much bolder, unwilling to be cowed by the hateful, frightened ignorance of people who obviously didn't know what they were talking about. I actually got my job at the church by facing down homophobia, not letting them get away with a bigoted decision that would only hurt the youth of our church.
So what happened? I let the church push me down. For fear of losing my job and my ability to be there, doing what I do for our teenagers, I stopped speaking out as fervently. I stopped announcing my presence in the world, so to speak. I stopped writing.
This week, I had a chance to see all of that for what it was. All I've really published since taking the youth director job at White Rock have been a book I'd already finished writing, one short story, and a whole slew of weird haikus. I see now that by letting myself be silenced at work, I simply went silent. My writing was always bold, delivering balls-out messages about my opinions, my faith, acceptance of others, and the power of diversity. The stories in my head in recent years were no different, but I couldn't put myself out there like I used to. I knew that if I did, I risked everything. I already have to tell parents, "Don't let your sons or daughters read my first two books. I was in a different place when I wrote them." Subconsciously, the whole idea of saving my job has been stifling me as an artist with something to say.
But that's not the only thing I've been carrying for the past five years. When I wrote my latest book, I was all excited to write the next four books in the series. The story is about the power of diversity, of course, but it's also about the power of friendship. Shortly after I finished the first book, I lost my closest friends.
I could never get back into the story like I had been. I lost the feel of it. I couldn't relate to the main characters anymore. Relationships are everything to me, and I put so much from my relationships into my writing. When my most powerful friendships broke, they took my heart with them. I struggled through a deep depression for most of those five years. I felt alone, unlovable. I wondered if I'd ever find the sorts of friendships I'd had again. Now that I'm thinking more clearly, I'd say that I hope not. Those friendships broke, because the people on the other end gave up on themselves, and left me to my own devices. One of them even left the state. How does one write a believable saga of friendship, when he no longer believes in it?
I'm still in contact with both of those old friends. I never see the one in California, but we talk sometimes, briefly, on the phone. Never do we venture anywhere near the closeness we once shared. The other friend, I've reconciled with. We talk on the phone and even get together on occasion. I'm learning about the new person she's become, now that she's confronted her inner demons and healed from the path she took before, and I'm enjoying it. Still, neither one of them is an every day friend anymore. They can't be. Life pulls us all along, and our individual paths tend to separate us from people, even if we do stay friends. It's no one's fault. If we stayed where we were when we were in our late teens and early twenties, we'd get stale, never grow. We'd die, at least as far as the parts of us with anything worth while to contribute to the world are concerned.
This week, I found myself again. I hadn't even realized that I wasn't broken anymore. The busyness of my schedule just hadn't allowed for enough self-analyzation. I realized who I needed to be from here on out. I need to be that bold writer again, with something to say. I need to be outspoken again, to refuse to be silenced. I also need to keep being the youth director. I need to keep doing what I can to guide and encourage our youth. These are both incredible gifts to me from God, these skills, my courage, my way with words. I must never again let one set of gifts snuff out another.
I realized that I've healed. I'm no longer heart broken. I may not have the kind of friends I used to, but I have love. I have devotion. I have people who believe in me and respect me. Friends, students, mentors, God. I'm whole again, in a way that I never thought I could be.
Near the end of the week, ideas began to flood my mind, the way they used to, when life itself and writing were my only outlets. I couldn't turn them off. To my surprise, the first slew of ideas were about that series I couldn't get back; about my metrognomes. I fell in love with the story again. I started taking notes, adding new ideas to the old, remembering little details I'd included in the first book that I'd forgotten, seeing how it would all tie together. I became passionate about this story, the way I was when I first started writing it. I wept over scenes, as I outlined them, feeling the emotions of the characters. I came back to life as a writer, and I knew that I could be the unfrightened, outspoken social activist, writing my books, sharing my ideas again, and I would be a better youth worker for it. I've always been outspoken about my feelings on social issues with my youth, but I haven't let them see me living what I feel. I haven't let them see me risking myself for truth and justice. So now I will write these books and stories I've been holding back. I won't fear the questions they may raise. I will speak out for their messages, and for myself, and for my youth group.
I knew I'd truly become that writer again last night, when a story, fully developed, popped into my head and wouldn't grant me any peace until I got up and started writing, so I did. I wrote pages and pages. This used to happen frequently, when I let my mind be open to whatever would come. It's a weird, creepy, demented story, like the ones I used to write...and I'm not afraid to write it.
I'm ready to embrace you again, World; The new me, who is the unapologetic culmination of all my gifts. My eyes are on you, and through my words and my actions, I will be a voice and an example that calls you out on your every injustice.
I've fallen back in love with life.
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